I still have a long way to go in how I deal with grievances and deal with problems with others. I need to stop bottling things up inside me until they explode. I need to learn that I should talk early about things, even if it causes stress; if I don't it'll cause lots more stress later.

I feel goooood.

Recently got to talk to wolfangel again.

Last night I had a lovely present from silverguardian.

Today, despite work going to absolute hell, and taking most of my time, I was still able to see my two loves, allashandra and lisasplaytoy, online and also silverguardian. I got pics!

I got to talk briefly to htnatch, alonwye, heavenlust, tianaangel and syliaboomer (and her lovely partner) online too! Only a few sentences in some cases but lovely anyway!

I got to talk to another old friend on the phone for over 1/2 hour.

I managed to restart email talks with another friend, and also with jilesa whom I've been missing talking to.

I dropped over to another friend's today to make sure she was ok and got a few lovely cuddles (and a kid on my leg :).

Tonight I got to talk to allashandra on the phone!

I'm loved. I'm loved by so many on so many levels!

Why the hell has it taken me so long to realise this?

Didn't sleep much last night, though I don't know why. There were no worries on my mind, nothing bugging me, nothing running through my head; I just couldn't quite sleep despite being tired.

In the end I got up, chatted to lisasplaytoy who was online due to her son being sick (poor both of them), and then went to bed again. The talk must have helped because I then got a little more sleep. Not much as I kept waking up.

I'm wondering about one half waking dream I had though. I had set up my computer stuff (of which I had far more in the dream than I do in RL) in the lounge. I came back to find it had all been jammed into a back room by my father and Nan (both dead RL). I'm wondering if my subconcious is telling me something or if it was 'just a dream'.

...softly curving and dark. Above there is the moonless night sky with the stars twinkling. The breeze is cold, but seems to disturb the flowing surface of the cloudtops just barely. It's quiet, lonely.

A faint glow highlights the cloud where it's thinnest. The glow brightens, suffusing the cloud with it's blue light. The clouds explode upwards in a maelstrom of turbulence as a bright blue light tears upwards through them.

My life is getting better. Issues are being resolved.

*hugs that blue light*

In my youth, I admired, hero-worshipped a man known to most as 'Yak'. What had he done to deserve this hero-worship? He coded computer games. Terribly addictive, surreal games. He also wrote columns that were often just this side of surreal and always made me think.

More recently I've found a community that revolves around him and his newly born software company called Llamasoft. And you know, that hero worship is still there to an extent, but it's also turned into a crush.

He's not a Greek Adonis, he's probably not even 'classical handsome'. He looks like someone who never left their hippy stage, though I think he looks yummy :). In conversations with him, and seeing his conversations with others I've found that the man I so admired is everything I remember and more. He's a wonderful, warm human being and I have a major crush on him.

I wish...