darkladywolf: (Default)
[personal profile] darkladywolf
My brain decided to mull over "one line poems" last night. Whether one line can be a poem I'm not about to debate - mainly because I don't have a clue. Specificallly,my brain kept mulling over one particular "poem" and how subtle changes alter how it feels.

I cannot see the sky.

The first change was to:

I can't see the sky.


Which just seems to kill it, removing the rhythm it had with the "can't" causing it to thud.  From here my brain shifted to:

For I cannot see the sky.

This seems to be going a little pretentious (yeah, like spending a whole entry on this isn't pretentious!) with that almost archaic "For".  Perhaps if we change that first word?

And I cannot see the sky.

This almost suggests a continuing thought, or story, as if it were the last line of something.  Is that something that's "good" however?  Presumably a one line poem should stand on its own.  Still, merely hinting at a bigger story isn't the same as actually having to add that story.

But maybe I'm over thinking this.

{Lyrics: See The Sky About To Rain - Neil Young }



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darkladywolf

January 2012

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